Close
by Tri42
Summary: She kept some things of Pete's. I wonder why?


We had been dating for a while when I discovered something a tad alarming. I think that this may come as a shock to a lot of you, but I, Jack O'Neill, am a jealous person when it comes to you know who. You see I had left a message on her phone house phone one day just to tell her I loved her and all that sappy stuff, so not me, but for her, I'll be sappy. It makes her feel special. Anyway back to the point, I made it home before she did. That rarely happens because she usually works late when I'm away in D.C. I was coming home to surprise her. Since I made it home before she did I just decided to delete the message, due to the fact that it was now pointless since I was there. Well knowing me and my technological skills, or lack there of, I hit the wrong button and ended up going through all of the saved messages. There was a few from her brother, a couple from telemarketers, but what caught my attention were the two saved messages from none other than him. You know the one that I about lost her too.

You see, Pete died approximately a year ago. Sam took it harder than I thought she would. I never asked due to my own personal memories of that time, knowing that once she had said yes to his proposal my chance was lost to have her. I was devastated through the whole engagement. Then one night when she was off world, Pete was undercover for CSPD, and took a bullet for an innocent kid. I took the call from the PD. The chief is a buddy of mine; we play poker together on Fridays. He knew I worked with Carter (she's Carter here, she wasn't my Sam here). I have to admit after the shock wore off, I was a little happy. My chance to be with her was here, I had to take it. I know how bad it sounds. How awful is that to be happy that a good man died so you could be happy? I knew they were in love with each other. He made her smile again after a long spout of half smiling. God, he even made her hum!

Once Carter came back from her mission, I knew I had to tell her. I told her to meet me in my office after she got cleaned up. She was devastated when I told her. I'll never forget the look on her face. The look of, "I thought the curse was over. I thought he was safe." Then she broke down. I'd never seen her like that. I told her the debrief could wait, and that I'd take her home. She didn't want to go. She wanted to get off the base, but didn't want to go home. I knew that feeling. I had it after Charlie died. I told her I'd take her wherever she wanted. When we got to my car, all she said was to drive didn't care which direction. She just wanted me to drive. So I did. I drove to a little place that overlooks the springs, and we just sat there. She told me that she never actually loved him like she knew she should of. That's all she said.

So you can imagine my surprise to find two voice messages from him. Messages that came just before his death. They were simple. "Baby, I love you and I can't wait to see you."

When she got home on this night, she was quite surprised to see her favorite general. Me I was a little irked. Don't ask me why, I really shouldn't have. There were probably feasible reasons as to why she had two messages on her machine from him. But I was tired and I really didn't want to come home to finding out that the love of my life had kept something so simple from me. She sensed something was up. Something that she had always been able to do. I call it the Sam-sense. She's got it down to an art. But I think she knew that I was upset, and not just the usual upset, I was upset with her. All she said was…

"What'd I do?"

"It's what you didn't do?" I replied calmly.

"I'm sorry? I really don't know what I _didn't _do. Care to explain why you have the 'I'm irked!' face?" she said with a smile.

All I did was hit play on the machine, and she knew. Her face said it all; she knew she had been caught. Her face went pale and her eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall. I wanted so much to hold her; I hated seeing her like this. But I had to know, I had to know why she kept those messages. It had been a year. We had been together for only a few months. I had to know if she was ready to move on. Because all indications now were that she wasn't.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered, so low I barely heard it.

"Baby, I got to know why. Are you ready to move on? Because if not, it's not fair to you, or to me."

"He will always have a piece of my heart, Jack. It's small, but it's there. I can feel it every time I walk in this house. He was the man I was going to marry. He's only been gone a little over a year. You should know better than anyone that when you lose someone that has your heart, that twinge is always there. I can't bring myself to delete those messages, throw away that damned Notre Dame t-shirt he left here, or to tear up the pictures. They are all I have left of that love. I love you…"

"You still have some of his stuff?! You mean to tell me that not only can you not bring yourself to delete his messages, you have his stuff. Tell me do you wear that shirt when I'm not here?"

"God NO! You wanna know what I wear when you're not here. I wear that beat up old cub's shirt and your sweats. But yes, I do wear that shirt sometimes. It's a comfortable shirt. It's the nights when I miss you so damn much that I can't breathe. Those nights are the nights I put it on." She yelled at me.

"Now I'm more confused than ever. Care to explain?" In my most sarcastic voice.

"Because those, Jack, are the nights that the shirt gives me comfort to move on. It's like he's telling me he wants me to be happy. That it's ok to miss you that much, because I love you more than I have ever loved anyone Jack O'Neill. Pete may have a piece of my heart, but you… you…" her voice breaking because the tears that threatened to fall earlier were falling, "you have the whole thing."

That was it. The tears that fell cut the last restraint I had in not wrapping her in my arms. I grabbed her and simply held her.

"I'm sorry Sam. I should have known that I would have run into this. I know that you loved him. I know that he knows it too. I'm such a jerk. I didn't mean to confront you as you walked in the door."

"I'll delete them; I'll throw it all away if it means keeping you happy. I swear I will. I don't want to lose you over this." She begged.

"Honey, I'm not going anywhere. I understand why you kept it all. I just had to hear it. I still have some of Sarah's things. I kept a lot of the pictures. I understand it. I do." I gently told her. I felt more and more like an insensitive jerk as this all went on. Which is just? I mean my goodness, how awful of a person am I?

"No, it's time I get rid of them. I have moved on Jack. I've moved on to be so much happier than I ever thought imaginable." She looked up at me with nothing but love in her eyes.

"Sam, if you want to get rid of them, do it. If not, I completely understand. It's your decision."

"Jack I'll delete the messages." She smiled.

How did she know me so well?

"God I love you Sam. There would is nothing more awkward than coming home to delete the message that you had sent. Then to hit the wrong button, and listen to every damned message. Then to hear you're ex on there. It's just weird."

She giggled at me. "You left me a message? Aww baby, what'd it say?"

"I'll never tell. It was supposed to be a surprise. I guess you'll just have to wait for your next surprise." I smiled back at her. God I love her. With those baby blue eyes, and million watt smile she only gives me. I can understand why Pete went after her. I guess he's not such a bad guy.

I'm just glad she's mine. I understand why she kept everything. It made her feel close. Made her feel closer to him in times of need. She wanted to move on, she just wasn't sure if it was fair to him. She didn't know if it would have been betrayal. She just wanted closure. And if it meant keeping a shirt and some pictures, I could live with it. I want her to be happy, and I want her to have what she needs. And if she needs closure with that chapter of her life, then I can deal with it. I love her too much to let two messages, a shirt, and pictures get in the way of that.


End file.
